I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game