sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.