You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.