Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....