Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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