i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
