just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I believe in your delicious
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
