Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
