I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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