But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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