Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
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TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
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after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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