If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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