Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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