he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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