The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
