I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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