I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
