dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
