you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
