Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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