i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize