Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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