My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
