She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I enjoy the company of your penis
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
