Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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