Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Life is so much better after having sex.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
