Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
