So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
