Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
