I'll bet she douches with gravy.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
