I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
