he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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