I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize