Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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