i barfeds in our rink
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
