Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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