No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
