I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
