Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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