Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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