Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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