It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We left the knife in your bed.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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