ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Someone shattered a urinal.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
How naked do you want me to be?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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