The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
