At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
