Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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