someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
