Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
