Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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