im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
