Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It's rum buckets o'clock
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
