Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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