He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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