i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
