she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
