I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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