i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
