why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
