I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
