I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
