I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize