dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
