In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
