Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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