just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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