I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
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I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
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I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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