I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
