ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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