it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
