we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
