this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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