sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
