I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
