You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
